What If?

Like the moon that shines so brightly
eventhough often overcast by the clouds
You seem to hide something
Protecting me from the cold hard truth
You say, honey it may seem like it's alright outside
But deep inside i'm dying
On day you will understand why
But till then its going to be a goodbye



I am done trying. I am done crying
For the tears and the pain I feel in my chest
no longer matter
Maybe it is for the best
Maybe yes, we should let it rest

I'm out of sight,

i'm out of mind

I'll do it all for you in time.

and of all this things i have done

I think i love you better now.

Questions.

Where. Where is the moon that we used to dance to?
Used to laugh until we fell down.
Now it's all in the past.
How. How did we lost our way?
Was it something we said, or didn't?
Perhaps it was never real.
Lovers to strangers
We let ourselves fall
Something to nothing
Distance
It's like I never loved you before.

For the pieces that don't fit in anymore.
For the insecurity.
For the many reasons we chose to ignore.
For you to say it's your fault,
and for me to say it's mine.

So I pushed that thought away, and shut myself away.
Ran in the pouring rain.
To feel the drops of water on me. To breathe.
I take this stand, right here.

If it is this how it's gonna end, then let's make it right.

Hello, I'm Cherlyn. and you are?

Emptiness.
The feeling when you put yourself out there;
Only to be left alone.
Only to find out they already had their mind made up.
Only to realize that it wasn't real all along.
To feel the frustration, anger and dissapointment;
Because it is easier to feel this way than to face te truth.

Again, when will we stop being cowards?

Out.

How do you know?

Baby, we are too afraid to admit it.
The thing we have,had.
Too afraid of the what would happen, because our heart was too afraid of our past.
So we fell in, succumbed to the stories of the past,
Because we were too darn afraid; to face the present,
To live in the now.
We let go, saying it's for the best.
But how can it be the best?

We're giving up. Because in reality, we are just plain cowards.

This is Long Due.

The first day of semester two.

It is rather lovely; the feeling, reliving a 'tradition'- gathering our same group of friends and just spending some time together. Nothing grand though, just a simple 'potluck', music, a couple of dvds, and... ah, this year, or shall I say 'last year' we had a couple glass of red wine.

There they are, all my close friends whom I grown up with. (Well not all as some are in another country, some are on a holiday, some had futsal tournament and are just too tired to come, some had family plans and some, are just simply m.i.a.) It has been what, 3 years now? since we began this 'tradition' of ours? Now take a step back and take this. Every year, for 3 years now, we have been ending a year together and started a brand new one, together. What really amazes me today is to see how much each of us have grown into a bigger person in our respective lives. It is as if I 'zoned' out for a moment there, like how the movies would display it,  person suddenly stops whatever he's doing and like they mute the sound system and he looks to his surroundings only to smile and chuckle at what he is seeing. Yep, I zoned out for a while there.
Honestly, I did not expect much that night, for everybody have their hands full- college life, college friends, and for some, living abroad. But no, they showed up. Even for those abroad, we managed to take some time to skype with them. Feeling touched yet?

I do not know if any of them felt the way I did that day but even if they don't, it doesn't really matter does it?

Knowing that I could rely on them, if ever I fall.
Laugh with, when one does the stupidest mistake ever.
Cry with, be it wheather it's because she's pms-ing or yeah, it's just one of those days.
Stand by them, when one leaves the country- for whatever the reason may be.
Surprise them, be it a birthday party or a farewell party, eventhough it never works as the person who is supposed to be 'surprise' would end up 'surprising' the planner instead...
Because you will listen to my complaints, even if it is 3 o'clock in the morning.
Because you will tell me to "shut the hell up" and move on.
Unplanned lunch hours and outings,
Being thousand miles away- forgive me for not being a good friend in keeping in touch- you still take your time to listen and updating me.
Calling me out on random times and just talk, talk about really; everything.
Relationships that did not work out, and yet you still treat me like how you used to.
Jogging at the lake, man the sight of construction was horrible.
Night outings, ignoring the curfew of one of our friends :p

I may not have listed all the memories we had together, but I bet reading this you are thinking of a few right now. Hey, hopefully every other time when you read this, those flashbacks of great and not-so-great memories will be replayed. And with that, my friend, we've made history.

Days come and go,
we grow a 'little' older.
But fret not, for our jokes are never a bore.
Responsibilities are on our shoulder now,
even more than before.
But hold on, take a moment, take a pause here.
For I want you to know that whatever you are up to in the amazing life of yours;
at times of happiness to the time if, if you ever fall,
Just know that I have your back.
I'll try my very best, to help you get back on your track.

Happy new year, my dear friends (:


Cheers.

Tabula Rasa.

media art.



Rediscovering...oneself.

♥